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gorgeous Georgians

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BOTH:

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(GREGORIAN CHANT-STYLE)


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Horrible Histories presents the:

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ANNOUNCER: Now, if you watch
one song contest this year,

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00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,760
make sure it's
the Eurovision Song Contest.

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00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,240
But if you watch TWO song contests,

22
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then you need to watch
the Rat-O-Vision Song Contest.

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You do! (CLEARS THROAT)

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So please welcome your host,
Rattus Rattus!

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00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,640
Welcome to the first-ever
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest.

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It's a feast for the eyes and ears

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and an absolute disaster
for the nose.

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(LAUGHTER)

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Yes. In this competition,

30
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,200
historical celebrities
from around the world

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sing their hearts out

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00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:21,040
in a bid to win
our coveted Rat-O-Vision trophy.

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And to kick us off
with an absolute banger

34
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it's America's entry,
sung by Thomas Edison.

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Tom's written a song about
the things he's invented,

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but he had to cut the song down
after the dress rehearsal

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because it listed all of
his 1,000 plus

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registered inventions.

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The song was over four hours long.

40
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,360
Just the highlights, please, Tom.

41
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,640
(TO THE TUNE OF
SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT BY NIRVANA)

42
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,320

at all the things

43
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The phone that rings

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48
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61
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62
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They weren't all mine

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64
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when the thing rings

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81
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82
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85
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(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

87
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,680
Wow! Who knew
Edison could sing like that?

88
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,040
He sure has got some pipes -

89
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,600
presumably from
one of his inventions.

90
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,680
Well, he's going to be
a tough act to follow

91
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,560
for Germany's entry

92
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,280
by 12th-century genius,
pioneer and nun

93
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,320
Hildegarde of Bingen.

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00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,920
This is one of the favourites
for the trophy.

95
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,920
Trust me, you'll all be
doing the dance tomorrow,

96
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,280
although I can't see
the wimple catching on.

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00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:19,760
(TO THE TUNE OF BLINDING LIGHTS
BY THE WEEKND)

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00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,080


99
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100
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That is me

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(COUGHING)

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round the w-w-world

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110
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111
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112
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113
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114
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that I found

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(FARTING)

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What dog?

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121
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122
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123
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124
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the natural world astounds me

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126
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127
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128
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Ooh, my mind is feeling bright

129
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130
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131
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133
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a better way"

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135
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139
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we could make it true.

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(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

142
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,800
Thank you, Germany.

143
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Absolutely heavenly.

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00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,800
Next up, it's Poland's
representative, LL Zamenhof.

145
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,720
Now, there's some controversy here

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00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:54,680
because everyone's allowed to sing
in their native tongue or in English.

147
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But what Zamenhof has done
is invent a whole new language.

148
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,240
It might not be in the rules,

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but he did invent it
to try and help achieve world peace.

150
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So let's not fight about it.

151
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The language and the song
is called Esperanto.

152
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(TO THE TUNE OF
DESPACITO BY LUIS FONSI)

153
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,400


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to prevent war

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is the solution

156
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157
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158
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159
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160
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in Poland

161
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keep the conversation flowing

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that will only keep on growing

163
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,280

to unite the people

164
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that will make us equal

165
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:51,560

in a way that's peaceful

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00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,160

There's no crazy grammar

167
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everyone can understand

168
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,480


169
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170
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you might recognise

171
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Cat is kato

172
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Baby is bebo

173
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River - rivero

174
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Problem - problem

175
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I wouldn't want to offend

176
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,360

and sticking an O on the end

177
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,240

There's really more to it

178
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Everyone here can do it!

179
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,920

I created in Poland

180
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,640

the conversation flowing

181
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,600

that will only keep on growing

182
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,040

to unite the people

183
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,680

that will make us equal

184
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,560

in a way that's peaceful...

185
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:54,560
Any questions?

186
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,640
(APPLAUSE)
Excellent.

187
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,440
Oh, I'm fluent already.

188
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,840
Next up, we've got a pair
of true artists from Italy -

189
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,720
the total genius Leonardo da Vinci

190
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,400
and the equally brilliant
Michelangelo.

191
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,920
And it features a special guest
appearance from Raphael,

192
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,840
who's no slouch either.

193
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,960
The three of them are
wonderful creators who, together,

194
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,840
transformed the art world
during the Renaissance.

195
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,720
And, of course, they've had
Ninja Turtles named after them.

196
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,920
Sweet.

197
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,560
(TO THE TUNE OF TOTAL ECLIPSE
OF THE HEART BY BONNIE TYLER)

198
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,200


199
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,640


200
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,520
I try to picture the art
in the Dark Ages

201
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202
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,360


203
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,840

just as they stand

204
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,240


205
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,480

from Rome and Greece

206
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,960

we'd not had before

207
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,480


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00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,440


209
00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,080


210
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,680



211
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,760
BOTH:
is like a brand-new start

212
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,640


213
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,160


214
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,560


215
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,000

Florence is the place

216
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,560



217
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,600


218
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,400

so lifelike that they looked real

219
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,720


220
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,960


221
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,440

to bling the Vatican

222
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,000


223
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,920


224
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,000

he's careful to cover all the bums

225
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,000


226
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,200

a brand-new start

227
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,240


228
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,440

to make art

229
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,960


230
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,360


231
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,800


232
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,640


233
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:10,080

to make the right body

234
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,440


235
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,160


236
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,200


237
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,320
'Cause we all have shadows on us

238
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,200


239
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,600


240
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,200


241
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,120


242
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,880

brings it to life

243
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,280


244
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,880


245
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,880


246
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,680

moved me to tears

247
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,760

just made me laugh

248
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,400
(LAUGHS)

249
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,280
BOTH:

250
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,720


251
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,720


252
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,560


253
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,520


254
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,720


255
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,920


256
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:08,640
BOTH:
the old art.

257
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,480
Held the last note
a bit longer than you.

258
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,120
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

259
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,600
Amazing!

260
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,120
Those guys are responsible for

261
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,720
some of humankind's
greatest creations.

262
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,680
But this is the only work of art
they're interested in right now.

263
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:25,080
Ah, stunning.
I can smell it from here.

264
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,000
But if they want to win it,
they'll have to get past Greece.

265
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,440
Here's Ptolemy,
the ancient Greek astronomer,

266
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,840
with his song all about the stars
he named after Greek legends.

267
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,000
Well, he may have
his head in the clouds,

268
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,200
but he's got some great moves
for an ancient fella.

269
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,200
This is Greece and Ptolemy

270
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,080
with A Sky Full Of Myths.

271
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,480
(TO THE TUNE OF
A SKY FULL OF STARS BY COLDPLAY)

272
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,840


273
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,800


274
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,640


275
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,800


276
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:09,920

and screw your eyes up a bit

277
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:16,720


278
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,520


279
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,400


280
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:34,760


281
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,080


282
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,200


283
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:47,800


284
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,400
(SPOKEN) Just think of constellations
like big dot-to-dots, man.

285
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,600
That one's Hercules, or Heracles
if you're saying it properly

286
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,080
There's Cancer - the crab
that bit Heracles' foot.

287
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,160
Leo, the lion that Heracles killed.

288
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,920
Triangulum, the...triangle.

289
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,600
Well, they can't all
be great stories.

290
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,680
(SINGS)

291
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,200


292
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:21,000

yes-yes-yes-yes

293
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,920


294
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:26,280


295
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,880


296
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,960


297
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,320
(SPOKEN) I wrote down
48 constellations

298
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,400
in my 150 AD book, The Almagest.

299
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,880
So, What does it mean?

300
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,360
Oh, "The Greatest".

301
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,800
Is that referring to me or the stars?
You decide.

302
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,920
I think you know the answer.
(CLICKS TONGUE)

303
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,600
(SINGS)

304
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,680


305
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:03,520

have blown through

306
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:07,040


307
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,040


308
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,200


309
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,360


310
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:19,960


311
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,280
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

312
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:26,520
Well, that is, hands down,
the best song I've ever heard...

313
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,920
..about an ancient Greek bloke
naming stars after Greek myths.

314
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,800
(LAUGHTER)
But here we go -

315
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,200
it's the English entry,
and it's a family affair,

316
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,480
with Henry VIII
and his whole Tudor royal family.

317
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,000
They've written a song about
one of the big issues of their day,

318
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,840
choosing which form of Christianity
the country should follow -

319
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,760
Protestantism or Catholicism.

320
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,160
It makes some really good points,

321
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,960
which is funny because I doubt
it's going to get any points,

322
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,280
especially from the Pope.
(CHEERING)

323
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,520
This track is an absolute banger.

324
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,040
(TO THE TUNE OF NO SCRUBS BY TLC)

325
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,640

God thinks is fine

326
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,400

friend of mine

327
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,720

he calls me

328
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,680

see?

329
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,400



330
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,720



331
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,280

'cause I'm Catholic

332
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,520


333
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,360


334
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,520

can't get no love from me

335
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,680


336
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,760

the English Church...

337
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,360


338
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,960
(SPOKEN) Ah, I can die happy and pass
the church onto my Protestant son.

339
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,520
Give 'em hell, Edward!

340
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,400
(COUGHS AND WHEEZES)

341
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,080
Ugh...

342
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,320
Awkward! Mary time.

343
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,240



344
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,800



345
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,160



346
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,480


347
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,520


348
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,800

who reps my God for me

349
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,800

that's totally fine

350
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,560


351
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,240
Ah, Lizzie in the house!

352
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,520
Yeah!

353
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,080


354
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,560


355
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,480

raised with Catholics

356
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,240


357
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,840



358
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,280



359
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,840



360
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,000


361
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,880


362
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,480

should all be about me

363
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,360


364
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,520


365
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,000


366
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,560


367
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,360


368
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:58,400


369
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,600
Get out!

370
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,560
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

371
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,960
Honestly, I can't see
any other country

372
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,480
having something to
match Queen Elizabeth I.

373
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,680
On to our next entry now.

374
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:11,840
It's Spain,

375
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,400
and Queen Elizabeth I. What?!

376
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,880
She's representing Spain as well?!

377
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,240
I don't care if it is a duet
with King Philip II of Spain.

378
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,560
Surely that's against the rules.

379
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,960
Ah, well. Here's Liz and Phil

380
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,720
with a song all about
their countries' great rivalry.

381
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,680
Good luck, everyone!

382
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,360
(WHISPERS) Let's just say

383
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,040
these two don't get along.

384
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,160
(CHEERING)

385
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,880
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

386
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,160

I'm the King of Spain

387
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,400

and over England I reign

388
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,080


389
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,840

now that she has gone

390
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,600

You're the perfect fit

391
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,560

the "not being a Catholic" bit

392
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,520

our countries can be friends

393
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,520


394
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,240


395
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,800

I'm looking for

396
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,280


397
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,000

is change your religion

398
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,000

I'll take my chances

399
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,960

in having romances

400
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,680

for the both of us

401
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,440

I can cause a fuss

402
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,440

the Spanish Empire I can deploy, yeah

403
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:40,160

just to annoy ya...

404
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,400
(HOLDS A HIGH NOTE)

405
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,280


406
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,000
BOTH:

407
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,120

A war at sea

408
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,720

to steal your treasure

409
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,920

for good measure

410
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,680

loads of Catholic plots

411
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,080

with Mary, Queen of the Scots

412
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,320

That don't scare me much

413
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,400

a war with the Dutch

414
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,080

with my Spanish Armada

415
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,040


416
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,080


417
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,760
Ha-ha-ha! Yeah!

418
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,600

turned out not to be a threat

419
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,560

in quite a bit of debt

420
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,320

and send our own fleet

421
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,400

and have to retreat

422
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,080

ever gonna end?

423
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,960

if we could have been friends

424
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,000

before hostilities cease

425
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,320


426
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,040


427
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,920


428
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,480


429
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,720

A war at sea

430
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,560


431
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:02,040


432
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,880
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

433
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,440
I'm hearing that Phil has offered
to put their rivalry behind them

434
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,160
and asked Liz to marry him.

435
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,600
AUDIENCE: Aww!
Beautiful!

436
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,240
And Liz has said...

437
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,520
(GASPS) Yikes!

438
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,920
I'm not reading that out!
AUDIENCE: Ooh...

439
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,720
Let's just say she said no,
and move on.

440
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,520
It's France's entry next,

441
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,200
and it's another song
by royal appointment.

442
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,440
It's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine,

443
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,720
the only woman ever to have been
queen of both France and England.

444
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,840
She was a great queen,
but she was an even greater mum.

445
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,880
And she's got some moves, too.

446
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,600
If this is half as good
as it was in rehearsal,

447
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,280
you are in for a treat.

448
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,960
I'm Henry, the Young King!
King Richard!

449
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,640
King John, yeah!
And this is our mum.

450
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,840
(TO THE TUNE OF
CRAZY IN LOVE BY BEYONCE)

451
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,320


452
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,120

of Aquitaine

453
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,560


454
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,800


455
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,360

I was the Queen of France,

456
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,800

was a bad romance

457
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,240

all the way across to England

458
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,680

my hand

459
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,040

to be a really great mum

460
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,600


461
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,880


462
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,240

with his dad, the king

463
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,680

my husband and my son

464
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,160


465
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,640

Henry, to reign

466
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,040

A shame

467
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,160


468
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,840

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine

469
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,960


470
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,760

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine

471
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,400

Oh-oh-oh-oh

472
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,880


473
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,440

set me free

474
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,920

finding a young wife

475
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,320

for his own life

476
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,680

on a crusade

477
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,120

What an accolade

478
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,560

far away in another land

479
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,000


480
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,440


481
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,760

or two or three

482
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,280

was dead

483
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,720

was now his land instead

484
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,680


485
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,280

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine

486
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,560


487
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,400

Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine

488
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,640

Oh-oh-oh-oh

489
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,440

saying Richard had died

490
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,800

to be by his side

491
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,960

I paid for his release

492
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,640

said this fighting must cease

493
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,960

to always be friends

494
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,560

to his peaceful end

495
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,520

King John

496
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,640

than being a mum

497
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,640


498
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,200
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

499
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,520
Yass, Queen!

500
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,240
I think we may have
just seen the winner,

501
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,200
but you never know,
because we're about to go old-school

502
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,080
with the Ancient Egyptian entry.

503
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,600
Before there were
kings and queens in Europe,

504
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,000
there were pharaohs in Ancient Egypt.

505
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,600
And we have three of them here
tonight -

506
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,920
Ramesses II, Hatshepsut
and Tutankhamun -

507
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,440
singing Ancient Egypt's entry.

508
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,480
It's a fun little number about
what pharaohs do when they're dead.

509
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,240
Honestly, couldn't they have chosen
a cheerier subject?

510
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,960
But everyone will be humming
this tune at the afterparty.

511
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,640
Not to mention the afterlife.

512
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,640
(TO THE TUNE OF GANGSTER'S PARADISE
BY COOLIO)

513
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,640

to the Valley of Death

514
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,640

after our last breath

515
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,600

got a neme on my head

516
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,480

from the Book Of The Dead

517
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,320

to the sun god Ra

518
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,720

there's many things we must say

519
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,680

never been an eavesdropper

520
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,960

lived my life so proper

521
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,600

written for each soul

522
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,680

we only got one goal

523
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,440

once we cease to be

524
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,360

for all eternity, uh!

525
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,360
ALL:

526
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:23,000


527
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,200


528
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:29,120

our Pharaoh's Paradise

529
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,720

inside our mummy wrapping

530
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,840

and other pharaoh trappings

531
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,800

you know it ain't easy

532
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,640

against a feather

533
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,880


534
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,680

cross the Lily Lake

535
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,720

the ferry man will take us

536
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,440

and our beloved pets

537
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,800

we'll have eternal rest, yeah

538
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,720

but a new form of living

539
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,360

the Book Of The Dead

540
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,960


541
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,760

will I ever see 20, though?

542
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,760


543
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,440


544
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,680


545
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,000


546
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,560


547
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,440

our Pharaoh's Paradise

548
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,720


549
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,520


550
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,480


551
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,880

our Pharaoh's Paradise.

552
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,520
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

553
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,440
Well, the votes have been counted
and verified,

554
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,720
and I'm ready to announce the winner.

555
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,680
Not that it matters, because music
and history are the real winners here

556
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,360
and none of our entries
really mind about the results.

557
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,720
(GASPS)

558
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,280
Er... (GULPS)

559
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,960
And the winner of the first -
and most probably last - ever

560
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,840
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest is...

561
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,360
(DRUM ROLL)
Er...

562
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,520
..everyone!
MAN: What?!

563
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,920
(BOOING)
Yeah, you all won,

564
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,800
so everyone can relax, and...

565
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,200
MAN 2: I won!

566
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,000
(BICKERING AND FIGHTING)

567
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Oh. Well, at least they're
fighting each other and not me.

568
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,080
I think I'll sneak out
while they're not looking.

569
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,160
And if no-one else
wants that trophy...

570
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,760
..I'm having it!

571
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,560
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

572
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,640
It'll be
the next...language

573
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,600
of international...
languages.

574
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,520
(LAUGHTER)

575
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,240
(ALL LAUGH)

576
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,840

a mystery

577
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,360


578
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,600
(GREGORIAN CHANT-STYLE)


579
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,960
Captions by Red Bee Media